Why did the chicken cross the road?

I’ve been a member of one or the other Star Trek mailing list ever since I had an email account. By the way should anybody remember the old trek and seaquest mailing lists owned by Leigh Wolenczack I’d love to get in touch and find out what happened to you guys. I had this file around ever since and, even if it’s probably posted in one hundred other places, I had to have it on my blog:

Star Trek: The Old Series

Kirk:

You chicken monster, you killed my son… You chicken monster, you killed… my son. You chicken monster… youkilledmy …son!  

Spock:

Fascinating, Captain.  

Bones:

I’m a doctor, not an ornithologist!  

Scotty:

Because she couldna take much morrrrre.  

Uhura:

Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?  

Chekov:

It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time… did I scream this time?  

Sulu:

Don’t call me Tiny!  

Nurse Chapel:

Oh, Spock  

Harvey Mudd:

Chicken? I don’t remember any chicken. No no no, there’s been a terrible misunderstanding.  

Charlie X:

Because it didn’t want to stay… stay… stay…  

V’Ger:

To join with the Creator.  

Khan:

With my last breath I spit at the chicken.  

Sarek:

Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.  

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Picard:

There are four lights!  

Riker:

I don’t know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.  

Troi:

I feel the chicken’s pain!  

Data:

The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by any kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of . . . yes, sir.  

Tasha:

That depends… was it fully functional?  

Geordi:

Well, wherever it’s going, I’m sure it’ll have more luck with women than I do.  

Worf:

I don’t know. Klingon chickens do not cross roads.  

Dr. Crusher:

If there’s nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.  

Wesley:

I’m not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and…  

Lwaxana:

Oh, Jean-Luc!  

Q:

Wouldn’t you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn’t be able to comprehend the answer.  

Dr. Soran:

His heart just wasn’t in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)  

The Borg:

Crossing the road is futile. The chicken will be assimilated.  

Hugh the Borg:

Maybe it just needed a big hug!  

Star Trek: Deep Space 9

Sisko:

It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we’ve learned from all this?  

Kira:

It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.  

Dax:

To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I’m sure wouldn’t have had a clue, and then there’s…  

Dr. Bashir:

It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.  

O’Brien:

No problem, Commander, I’ll get right on it.  

Odo:

I don’t know, but I’m sure it must be Quark’s fault.  

Quark:

Who, me?  

Jake:

Check out the babe that just came off that transport!  

The Grand Nagus:

Stupid chicken! You don’t cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!  

Gul Dukat:

Well, that’s a very interesting question…I’m sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone’s satisfaction.  

Star Trek: Voyager

Janeway:

If a chicken crossed the road then it is our resposibility as Starfleet officers to find out why. No matter how long or how far it takes us out of the way! Now who is with me?  

Chakotay:

Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.  

Tuvok:

That’s not a question we’d prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.  

Paris:

Well, I think that… say, that’s a lovely shirt you’re wearin’.  

Neelix:

Actually, Captain, I’m not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.  

Kes:

It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!  

HoloDoc:

How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn’t even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!  

B’Elanna:

I’m sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn’t stand it any longer!  

Harry:

I don’t know, it’s my first mission.  

Seven of nine:

It is irrelevant to our mission. The chicken should be left behind to suffer its own fate.